I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
