just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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