Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
