Got a toothbrush?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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