I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This house was built for laser tag.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
