If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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