I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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