My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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