So drunk its hurt
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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