i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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