this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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