dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
