you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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