I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
