Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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