im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
