I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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