my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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