So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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