if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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