Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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