my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
