i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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