So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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