this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
