does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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