So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
