i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
