My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
