RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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