And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
