I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
