apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
