Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
