I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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