We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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