How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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