We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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