How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
