so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
