I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
