Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
