Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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