i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
