everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
