its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
