You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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