I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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