it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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