I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
