don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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