Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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