Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
