Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
