i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
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I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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