Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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