does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
