Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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