He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
