This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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