Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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