The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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