I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
