He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
