OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
