I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
