i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
