i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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