I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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