So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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