Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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