omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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