you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize