I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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