gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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