I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize