I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
