Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
